How to Rethink Your Career as an Empty Nester

As you progress through your career, you’ll no doubt encounter some major milestones and transition points that might spur you to pause and reassess the path that you’re on. One such milestone that affects working parents is becoming an empty nester. When children leave the house for college or other opportunities, so go predictable routines that order much of family life: sports practices and games, concerts, special school events, etc. What happens with all that time once your children move out? The sudden change and loss of predictability can be disruptive, both for your home life and your career.

It’s common for parents to feel grief when kids leave the house. Perhaps you’ve been caught unaware: You haven’t fully anticipated this time and season, and now your life looks like a blank canvas. How do you fill it? Even asking the question can give rise to emotions that need to be fully processed.

If you’re an empty nester (or will be soon), here are some strategies to help you re-shape your life and find meaning — both personally and professionally — during this time.

Make Space To Think Ahead

You don’t have to wait until you’re an empty nester to think about how you’ll structure your life once the kids leave. Begin thinking about this transition five years out. Let your mind wander; what could your life look like without kids at home? Then, get more specific; think about what you’d like to your life to look like, based on your interests and professional goals.

Try this: Once a week, go to a coffee shop with only paper and a pen. Brainstorm possibilities for your future self. Don’t bring along any technological device. Let your mind wander and capture your thoughts with pen and paper; the quality of your thoughts will be different than if you use digital devices. Use this time to think broadly and specifically about dreams for your future self.

Take Time to Rest

Perhaps you’re sad about your new circumstances and you’re grieving the time you had with your children; you may even feel resistance if you didn’t want this change to happen (on a conscious or subconscious level). If you haven’t proactively planned for this phase, you may be at a loss as to how to fill your time. What opportunity does your extra time present?

To explore that question, take a moment to reset. Become mindful of the present. This is a paradox; in order to begin to think about what’s next, you must first become aware of the present moment. Don’t succumb to overwhelm about the future. Focus on each day, each moment, as it comes — even if your mind wants to race ahead. Embrace a combination of doing and non-doing as you see what desires emerge for you.

Resist the need to control every aspect of your newly available free time. Try releasing the reins and seeing what comes up serendipitously. For example, a client I coached was traveling for work and instead of going right home after the meetings, he stayed and went to an art exhibit with his client. The time spent in a creative space outside the office was energizing, helped him bond with his new client, and generated some new ideas. When you’re settled and able to think about what you want in this new phase, consider what you would like to happen in both your career and your personal life.

Focus on Professional Development

Now that you have extra time, how would you like to move forward in your work life? I advise clients to consider these options:

Think about classes or certifications that can help you push ahead in your career. Do you have a knowledge or skills gap? Have time constraints kept you from moving forward in that area? With your extra time, you can get up-to-date on key skills in your industry.

One CHRO I worked with decided to dedicate more time to reading once her kids left the home. She made a list of books she’d always meant to read and began working through it. As a result, she gained deep knowledge in her field — and an enjoyable hobby.

Go back and look at past work reviews and 360s. Are there common themes that arise from looking at the data? Do you notice areas you could work on? Look back to move forward: cataloguing your past can spark insights for where you want to go next.

For example, a client I worked with looked more deeply at her reviews and 360s from a strength-based lens. We discovered that she enjoyed and was good at creating and leading programs to help with the culture of the organization. With that knowledge, she decided to speak with the CEO about some of her ideas and recommendations. By adding this work to her plate, she was able to build skills to shift her work into this area.

Is it time to make a pivot or try something new? Maybe you would enjoy and find fulfillment from teaching a class at the local college (or more simply, volunteering to be a guest lecturer). Don’t take on too much change at once, but do consider where a change in direction or a schedule addition would add to your life and happiness.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to start a side business. Consider what would be the first step toward that new venture?

One leader I worked with kept a log of activities he found interesting. He also created a list of fellow empty nesters he wanted to reconnect with now that they all had more free time. My client found that he enjoyed sharing experiences with fellow empty nesters, and that his conversations sparked ideas for activities to add to his log.

Thinking about what’s next for you might require a deeper level of self-inquiry than you’re used to. Consider leveraging a trusted advisor or friend to help you get in touch with your wants and needs.

Re-Evaluate Your Personal Interests

As you think about refocusing your work life, consider: What activities outside of work would add to your development and enjoyment?

Start with reinvestigating your foundational interests. Consider what your goals were 20 years ago. What was your vision for your life? Ask yourself what you like to do with your time (not what you feel you “should” do). The answer may be “take a yoga class” or “try horseback riding lessons” — explore whatever bubbles up. You can also re-look at your hobbies from childhood. Can you find a new way to restart one of them?

Inventory all areas of your life and ask yourself whether you’re satisfied with that particular area. Categories to consider might be: friendships, health, work, and travel. Look at where you might be under-indexing and start to evaluate your next step. If you’re overwhelmed with this inventory, move your body. You’ll think more clearly after a workout.

All of the extra time and mental energy that comes with being an empty nester can put you into option overload, which can feel paralyzing. Remember: You can take your time determining what comes next. You don’t have to have the perfect life and career plan right away. Engage in deep reflection and consider what you love to do. Accept that there will be ups and downs in this transition, but you can navigate them and take hold of the many opportunities ahead.