You Don’t Need to Know It All

Expecting yourself to know everything is unrealistic and leads to burnout. Giving yourself permission to not know everything opens opportunities for trust-building and learning within your team, fostering growth and yielding thoughtful solutions.

New leaders often feel the pressure to have all the answers. Take my client Felix, a newly promoted manager. Up until his recent promotion, he had always served as a subject matter expert who was responsible for one or two projects. His reliability and skill earned him a leadership role where he was overseeing many projects and people at once.

Felix told me that his team was always looking to him to make decisions and provide clarity. He wanted to rise to this occasion, but wasn’t sure how when he didn’t know every single project inside and out. When a team member asked him a question, he often stumbled over his words and worried about giving the wrong answer. Not surprisingly, his team was picking up on his nervous energy, and he was beating himself up for not knowing what to say and performing better. It was uncomfortable for everyone — both he and his team were on edge. Some team members had even started to go over his head to his director.

As a coach for leaders, the most common misconception about leadership I hear is that leaders need to know all the answers. But that’s far from the reality of being a manager.

WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS

The work you’re doing as a manager is complex, and the environment you’re doing it in is rapidly shifting. More often than not, you’re leading your teams into uncertain or new territory, and there’s no map to follow. That’s why great leadership is not about knowing — it’s about moving forward through unfamiliar territory.

This is a tough change for someone like Felix, who was used to having all the answers in his former role as an individual contributor. His new position as a leader required him to show up in a different way. While he didn’t have the answers to all his team’s questions, he also didn’t want to let them down.

So, what does success look like in his case? What does a leader say to reassure their team and successfully guide them in these moments — despite not knowing the answer?

Here are six phrases Felix could have used and that you can use in the same situation. Add them to your leadership toolbox:

“I’M NOT SURE, BUT I’LL FIND OUT.”

When you don’t know the answer to a question your team member asks, you worry about “getting caught.” But it turns out that’s not such a bad thing for leaders. Being honest about what you don’t know shows your authenticity and vulnerability — and research shows that your team’s confidence in you comes from your authenticity as much as your knowledge. By demonstrating that it’s okay to admit you don’t have the answer, you’re making it safer for your team to be forthright about their own questions and areas where they need help.

“LET’S FIGURE IT OUT TOGETHER.”

Practice what organizational psychologist Adam Grant calls confident humility: the recognition that, while you don’t know it all, you believe in your ability to learn. Leaders need to be confident that, along with their teams, they can draw upon their resources and figure it out together.

What’s important about this skill is how the two parts come together. Imagine working for a leader who is pure confidence without any humility. They’ll likely come across as an arrogant know-it-all who never admits to being wrong. On the flipside, picture working for a leader who is all humility and no confidence. They’re probably indecisive and unsure, questioning themselves at every turn — like Felix.

The key is balancing the two. That’s your job as a leader: not to hold all the answers, but to help your team find them.

“WHERE DOES THE PROJECT STAND NOW?”

Like Felix, you might find yourself involved in many more project meetings than you’re used to. In some cases, you may not be as informed or directly involved as when you were an individual contributor. Give yourself permission to ask a question — even one that makes you look like a novice — so you can better understand what you don’t know. It will provide you with needed context and give you a chance to form a thoughtful, informed response.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

When you put pressure on yourself to provide all of the answers, you stunt the growth of your team. Instead, take a facilitative approach. You may not have the answer, but you can help scaffold the process of finding it by asking powerful questions that help clearly define the problem and potential solutions. This also gives your team the opportunity to bring forward their experience, develop their own sense of judgment, and take ownership over the solution. It shows that you respect their expertise, which helps them feel valued and needed.

“LET ME PULL MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER AND GET BACK TO YOU THIS AFTERNOON.”

To be sure, there will be times when a team member comes to you with a question that’s only appropriate for you as the team leader to answer. But it’s okay to buy yourself time. Felix, for example, was a deliberative thinker who needed some silence to mull a decision over. That didn’t make him a weak leader — it made him a thoughtful one. Just be clear about when you’ll provide a response so you don’t bottleneck the team’s work.

“I DON’T KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW WHO WILL HAVE AN ANSWER FOR US.”

Effective leaders are resourceful — they might not know the answer, but they’re not shy about accepting that and knowing who to turn to in order to figure it out. This is another phrase that can show your humility and signal to your team that it’s okay to ask for help when needed.

Some managers shy away from asking for help because they worry it will be seen as a sign of weakness, but being resourceful is a courageous act and part of your leadership toolbox. Using confident language to ask for help from a place of strength boosts your image as a thoughtful and practical leader.

. . .

Expecting yourself to have all the answers isn’t realistic or sustainable. No one person can possibly know it all — that’s too high of a bar to clear. Attempting to carry around that responsibility is a heavy load and a recipe for burnout. Instead, give yourself permission to not know. With these phrases in your leadership toolbox, you’ll be ready to confidently meet the moment, while opening up opportunities to build trust, allowing your team to learn and grow and making way for thoughtful solutions.