Why do traditions hold such power over us – and how can we go about creating new ones?
Illustration: Owen Gately (The Guardian)
Birthday hikes through the hills. Kitchen discos on a Thursday night. New Year’s Day wild swimming. Hiding baby teeth for the tooth fairy. Croissants in bed on Saturday mornings. Traditions like these – rituals practised habitually with people we love, and often handed down from generation to generation – are the backbone of our lives.
The concept of tradition transcends time, class and age – you’d be hard pushed to find a demographic, historical period or civilisation that didn’t uphold rituals or customs. Often we don’t know when or how they started, but we take them as they are – engaging in traditions unquestioningly because they tend to make us feel good.
“According to substantial research, family rituals and traditions have a positive impact on family relationships, individual wellbeing and mental health,” says Lowri Dowthwaite-Walsh, a cognitive behavioural psychotherapist.
Most of us participate in traditions and rituals with our loved ones every single day without even realising it – tea and toast at a shared breakfast table becomes tradition if it happens regularly – and the importance of these should not be underestimated.
“Everyday rituals, such as mealtimes, allow family members to connect on a regular basis,” says Dowthwaite-Walsh. “They are comforting in their predictability, offer structure and lower stress by providing a sense of belonging and nurturing.”
But it’s birthdays or cultural and religious celebrations that really lend themselves to tradition.
“The anticipation of joy and celebration lifts mood and allows connections to be celebrated through kindness, gift-giving, affection and gratitude,” says Dowthwaite-Walsh. “These are all associated with positive emotions and enhanced mental wellbeing. These celebrations are central to our humanity as people unite in the spirit of love and joy, and are kinder and more compassionate towards each other.”
Traditions manage to tick a lot of boxes – they celebrate the moment while providing a roadmap for the future, and a way to honour the past. They come with the promise of nostalgia, as the repeated smells and other senses associated with them evoke a feeling of belonging for years to come.
Some traditions take hold organically, but many take a little time, effort and good will to get off the ground.
Ready to start some new traditions of your own? Here are six tips to get you started
Be consistent
By definition, a tradition is something that happens repeatedly with the same person or people. So, make sure you start yours with longevity in mind and do it again. And again. And again.
You don’t need to throw money at it
Traditions don’t need to be super expensive to be successful, because ultimately they are about a sense of occasion and feeling of unity – two things that money simply can’t buy.
That being said, Dowthwaite-Walsh notes that presents and offerings can be central to many celebrations and traditions. “Gift-giving is a way of demonstrating our love and appreciation, and this ritual particularly enhances and strengthens relationships,” she says. “A small token, such as a box of chocolates, can have a big impact. Giving gifts not only benefits the recipient who feels valued, it also enhances the wellbeing of the giver by seeing the delight on the recipient’s face.”
Embrace collaboration and democracy
If you are a natural leader who values organisation, chances are you’ll want to be in the driving seat when it comes to making a new tradition fly. But bear in mind that the quickest way to kill a fledgling tradition is to make it an obligation that requires endless dictatorial WhatsApp messages and emails. At the other end of the spectrum, if you are a passive go-with-the-flow type, it’s important that you get actively involved. In order for a tradition to stand the test of time, everyone involved must want to make it work.
Lead with your heart
You can’t plan, brainstorm or mood board a new tradition. In fact, being preoccupied by rules and aesthetics throws cold water all over the magic of tradition. The point is to be present and involved – not ensuring it looks pleasing on social media or that the fun keeps to a schedule.
The opportunities for new – and unique – traditions are everywhere
The next time you enjoy doing something with or for people you love – be it building Lego Worlds while listening to ’90s indie music or hosting a pumpkin carving competition – suggest that it become tradition and then make it so!
Pass it on
Traditions are made to be shared, so there are few greater joys than passing one on. Often, we think of traditions being handed down from generation to generation – but that doesn’t always have to be the case. Pass them on to friends, pick them up from colleagues… The opportunities to share and adopt new traditions are practically endless.
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